The Irene that Never was

Combined with the Irene scare, the unprecedented shutdown of all mass transit systems by the MTA brought the city to a grinding halt.Most shops remained closed over the weekend.
The ones open, made revenues of 10 times than on an average day.

Irene will be remembered more for what it didn't do than what it did. Here are some reactions of different people to the Hurricane-that-never-was.

Surfer: Suicide mission! Hah! Watch me conquer those waves!

Ocean waves: Aaja bacchu! (Slurrp, feast tonight)!

Restaurant/Café Owner: I should have put up a billboard. An A4 notice isn’t enough for these idiots to stop knocking & gesturing at our doors to ask if we’re open.

Retailers: Bring out the expired stock! Its clearance without a sale.

Enthu boys at supermarket: Quick, grab all those dorritos before the woman with the moustache does. Quick, get that last quart of milk. Quick, pick up all the hummus you can lay hands on. Quick, don’t let that kid near the chocolates. Quick quick quick, stop the cart from falling over!

Confused old lady at supermarket: Is there a rave party going on somewhere?

Fruit seller outside our house: When was the last time I sold a watermelon at $15? Bless you Irene.

Conspiracy theorists: It’s a retail conspiracy! It’s a media conspiracy! It’s a government conspiracy!

Indian couple next door: If the power goes off, the electric burner won’t work. Do we have enough food? Aloo Matar – check. Jeera pulao – check. Bhindi masala – check. Gobi paratha – check. Daal fry– check. Kanda Poha – check. Chole, rajma, samosa,idli – check check check check.

Husband: Emergency evacuation bag – medicines, energy bars, water, windcheaters, important documents, change of clothes, batteries, flashlight, communication numbers and addresses.

Me: Emergency evacuation bag – + Vaseline, lip balm, hand sanitizer, external hard disk (im not losing my pictures ok), socks, 2 pairs of shoes, an inflatable pillow, The Last Continent, Ipod, Nail trimmer, facial wipes, chewing gum, chocolate.

Hurricane Irene: Boo! Fooled ya, fooled ya!

Virginia Earthquake: Sorry lady, I stole your thunder!

Obama: Well, I only said that Irene would be historical, not why! 

PS. This post is in pure humor and in no way intended to hurt/mock anybody's sentiments, least of all someone affected by Irene directly or indirectly. My prayers are for the ones impacted in any way. 

Dear Irene,

Home, Manhattan, New York
Duct tapes on windows - Mandatory provision by our building administration in anticipation of Hurricane Irene

To,
Hurricane Irene

Dear Angry Lady Irene,
I cannot be unhappier at your arrival and my reasons go beyond emotions for the havoc that you are intending to cause. You are way too brash, the way you keep changing your course, I can tell you’re also impulsive and what can be said about your timing, it’s totally off! Although I hope you never show your face again, if you have to, please take cognizance of my complaints.

We kind of just got over the unannounced visit by an Earthquake last week. We’re really not looking for anything serious just now. Don’t plan your visit right after an earth-shattering event! (pun intended). On that note, the next time, can you please plan your arrival during the work week rather than the weekend?
Most importantly, there is no reason for you to interfere with our internet and mobile connections. We’re not trying to steal your thunder, you don’t steal ours.

Lastly, we honeslty don't care! Duct tapes up, the kitchen is stocked. It’s a two-day party!

Sincerely,
New York